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Well it is that time of year already, 2017 seems to have flown by at jet not radial engine speed. I missed winter completely as I was having a haircut at the time.

I knew it was the 1st of December without looking at my 2017 Great Australian Onions Calendar (the wife had said she had bought me a calendar that would make my eyes water, but the shop must have run out of Playboy ones) as the wife interrupted my happiness by asking me what did I want for Christmas. "Just to be here for next year’s my little crown of thorns starfish" I replied trying to do a Basil Fawlty.

"Be serious, would you like one of those things your friend has? Double trouble here, what thing and what friend, I only have two. Do you mean a year subscription to 'Nuclear War' monthly?" The reply was purely facial.

"How about one of those Stevlo gadgets?" "Stevlo is my medications but I know what you mean… no thank you". 'A GPS then?" "No thank you I can read a map".

"A Powermeter then?" At 73 I have none and this lady has been reading too many cycling magazines.

Finally she said that I had a week to tell her the 'surprise' I wanted on Christmas morning!

I was going to suggest a trip to the World Cyclocross Champs in the Netherlands in January but thought better of it. I had better get my thinking cap on or else I shall be the proud owner of a 2018 Great Australian Pumpkins Calendar , or a subscription to Nuclear War monthly.